It still hurts and I rather lay it to rest.
But I don't really have a problem talking about it because my dear 2nd husband now tells me sometimes I talk about it too much till this day.
Which at times hurts his feelings and that is the last thing I want to do.
We all live our lives in a way to make sure that we are happy and comfortable but we don't realize that at times by doing so this makes other people uncomfortable.
We all gotta make an effort to put ourselves in someone else's shoes and look at ourselves from an outsiders point of view.
This is super hard and every day I am still working on this.
But as long as we learn every day we grow and that's what matters.
Okay back to the story.
I was at CVS getting some necessities and I got a phone call from The Funeral Home telling me I had to make a decision what to do with my husband's dead body.
I said: "Can't we keep him on ice in the fridge?' (you know where they keep the dead bodies before burying them or cremating).
Of course, the answer was no.
So out of respect for Erik I followed the wishes of his 2 daughters.
The girls wanted me to cremate him, so they could get half of his ashes.
Not much later I got a phone call saying that I could come and pick up my husband's ashes.
Miranda, one of my best girlfriend's in California and my mother (who came to be with me from Holland) joined me.
Miranda drove and my mom sat next to her in the passengers seat and I sat in the back.
This is where shit got real.
After walking in and sitting down at the Funeral home.
I got handed a big clear bag (like a clear ziplock bag) with sand in it.
First I was gonna say: "what is this?' but of course I realized that was what was left of my dead husband.
.......To Be Continued....