Saturday, October 29, 2016

Day 31: From The Beginning.....

From here on my memory is a bit vague.
Leaving the hospital without Erik felt super strange.
Knowing but not believing that I would never see him again was again very foreign to me.
As I can recall correctly Batia (my boss and friend from the salon), took me back to her gorgeous home.
I remember taking a very long hot bubble bath and just crying a lot.
Batia took me to the job site where he died a little after that.
The home owners showed me exactly where it all happened and they even showed me the dry blood on the ground from where his head hit the ground.
The home owners had their little child playing around while they were showing me around and I remember feeling sorry for that little child because she had to grow up in a house where a man died.
Of course realistically we all have lived and live in homes where someone must have died, that's just life.
Looking back on these moments now I can honestly say that I was never fully present.
I was going through the motions of life but never really slept good and as a result that made me feel like I was going through a daze daily.
I stayed for a few days at Batia's house but then I felt strong enough to go back to "our" house (meaning Erik's and mine).
Elizabeth, a very dear friend of mine whom I had known pretty much since the time I moved to America picked me up and took me there.
She walked with me through the house and helped me with some logistics I had to take care of.
Of course now I was going to be bombarded with medical bills and funeral arrangements etc etc.
Decisions I did not want to make but I had to do it.
I remember The Coroner's office kept calling me to ask me what I wanted to do with Erik's body.
They had to wait for my order to cremate or to burry.
Gosh, this was so incredible hard to decide.
I didn't want them to burn his body because I felt he could still wake up.
I know, I know....what a ridiculous and silly thought.
But I felt like once his body was gone, burned it would be all over.
I wasn't ready to let go....
....To Be Continued......

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