Saturday, November 5, 2016

Day 33: From The Beginning.....

Yes looking back I still can not believe that I actually went through this and still came out alive & kicking.
What I mean by this is that it was very very hard and I somehow managed to get through this dark time without meds and/or a shrink.
I did take some over the counter sleeping pills from Holland but stopped very quickly with that because I am just not a fan of any meds for that matter.
Also I did see a shrink for a tiny bit but wasn't really seeing any results.
I remember she was a very pretty blonde lady and I always asked her about her day/life because it just feels selfish to only talk about me, but of course she couldn't disclose anything about herself because thats her job.
I'm always looking to make friends.

Okay here we go lets get back to the story.
I got my dead husband's ashes handed to me in a see through plastic bag and it was heavy.
Of course I had to stick my hand in the bag and it just felt weird, with hard pieces in there like burned ashes.
I remember crying like a baby.
Things were getting so real and definite.
I know, I know...Duh Death is real but in my naive mind now there was no body for Erik anymore.
Which of course is reality but I secretly hoped that he would come back.
We left the funeral home and Miranda drove my mom and I and Erik's ashes to Malibu to walk on the beach and just cry and maybe spread the ashes in the ocean.
I wasn't ready to let go of my ashes.
We walked and I cried and cried and cried.
Those tears did not end for a long time.
You would think I'm out of tears by now. But no such luck. Now I just cry over silly stuff because honestly I have nothing to cry about in my life right now.
Oh how much I just want to talk about my life right now at this very moment because its so much easier and happier to talk about but I gotta finish the story first.
So after our long walk on the beach, Miranda dropped my mom and I off at home in Beverly Hills.
That night of course I slept with my dead husband's ashes and plenty nights after.
......To Be Continued......

No comments:

Post a Comment