Day 46: From The Beginning....

I am going to Amsterdam (Holland) this coming Thursday December 1st, 2016.

Excited to hug my parents, sister & my friends back home.

I always get a bit nervous before trips because I just love being home and comfy and safe with my hubby here in sunny California.

I know it is going to be a long flight (15hrs), 2 planes and it's going to be cold ....burrr....

If there is something I dislike with a passion in life, that will be cold weather.

I left my home country mainly because of the cold climate.

Also for some reason I still associate Holland with my deportation and becoming a widow.

When I got deported from America (mentioned in one of the previous blogs).

I obviously wasn't allowed back in America for like 5 years (Thank God in my case 3 years).

Because now I was on a so called "Black List".

I don't know about you, but I have always been "kind of" a rebel and when you tell me I can't go somewhere, I want to go even more.

I traveled within Europe to find a "Home" like America to me, but to no avail.

So I always have that fear of not being "allowed" back in.

Of course now I am a Permanent Legal Resident with a Green Card which is forever good and with the option of applying for The American Passport and becoming an American Citizen.

Which I will apply for next year.

It just cost a lot of money and you got to pass a test.

I have a big fear of tests.

But it is what it is and I am very grateful that I have that opportunity.

The reason that I associate Holland with becoming a widow is because I had booked a flight to Amsterdam a few days prior to my late husband's death.

I remember praying to God before my trip: "Please God, let something happen so that I don't have to go and leave my husband for the next 2 weeks."

I just didn't want to go without my late husband but he had to stay home in Beverly Hills to take care of our Business.

This time around my darling husband John has to stay home close to the plane, because he's a private jet pilot and on call.

I know all this fear is just in my head and I have been working on myself by journaling, meditating, blogging, reading, listening to podcasts.

So hopefully this time around I can control my emotions and just enjoy the moment.

.....To Be Continued.....