Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Day 35: From The Beginning....

So I never told you guys & gals what I did with the ashes of my late hubby.
I had bought a beautiful urn and kept the urn near me in my home.
The other half of the ashes as promised I sent to his daughters in NY and I split my share with Erik's sister.
Yeah death doesn't sound like a bed of roses.
It was such a horrible experience.
People always talk about Karma but I don't know if I believe in that because please explain to me, how bad of a human must I have been to deserve a dead husband so young in life?
Or you think it was his Karma?
But that doesn't make sense either because he doesn't feel anything anymore so what punishment is that?
I don't know, there are so many questions surrounding death, but obviously as we all know, nobody has come back from the dead and told us just yet.
And no I am not talking about people who have been clinically dead because you can not dismiss the fact that hallucinations were not a big part of that.
You know there was a guy once who studied religion and he had so many questions.
Would you like to know where that guy is today?
In a mental institute.
Because sometimes there are no answers.
It is all about what you believe personally and this is all partly based on your life experiences.
And what you have trained your brain to believe.
As we all know, your brain is like a muscle and you gotta train it daily.

So here I am, a young widow living in Beverly Hills.
Back to the drawing board.
What did I want with my life?
Where did I see myself?
Problem is that my biggest dream in life was to be madly in love and married.
So, now that was over, my question to myself was: "Is this it?" "Am I gonna die a widow?"
"Am I gonna be a spinster?"
Okay first off, I had to get to know me all over again.
I started my journey to self discovery by reading books on death (what, you thought I moved on that fast???)
.......To Be Continued......

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